A Wish

A wish, a thought of something nice

A thought that would be maybe make us thinks twice

There are so many wants

So many needs

I doubt at the end, they’ll be nothing to please

We mix our wants at times with desire

To be looked upon, to be admired

You ask for just 1 wish

I’ll give you this

A mind that is not so troubled

When I wake up I’m forever humbled

To take the mind that once were

To have this twisted present as a blur

To be able to recognize myself

To stay in better in health

To hold a child that I no longer see as mine

To be able to give her a mothers time

This is my 1 wish you see

To go back and be a better version of me


A Bleeding Heart

I show myself when no one is around

I show myself when you are out of town

For your actions lead me heartbroken

I feel like in your yes I’m just a token

Something to say I was just here

But as you continue to walk away, I’m in fear

I thought everything was going alright

Lately, only to me your always uptight

No matter what I do nothing feels right

I miss when things were okay

I miss when you said you would stay

Now, I see you, and all you do is walk forward and fast

I know you no longer want me around

Some how I’ve broken you and you’ve cast me to the ground

I’m sorry I can’t bring the person you want back

I know you need her in your life

A piece of her leaving strike you like a sharp knife

Please know it wasn’t her intention to go

She couldn’t hold on any longer

Her mind didn’t grow stronger

I’m afraid her mind broke in pieces

Her heart is no longer here

She will never appear

I’m sorry she’s gone and this place feels like a dome

Neither one of us feels like this is our home

I know I’m not your mom but, I can do my best to be there for you

Whatever it is I’ll help you get through


(for our youngest who hurt shows through, for the absence of her mom)


This Disease

I wake up with noise in my head

Voices scrambling to be picked first

I’ve felt like my head is going to burst

I can’t seem to get my thoughts threw

Everything I see feels untrue

The doubt in my head spreads to everyone

My nerves are tight

My body temperature is high

My heart feels like it’s going to let me die

These moments are hard to past

Nothing I take slows it down but, makes it last

Am I doomed to be stuck, feeling that makes me want to give up

Is there any good luck

I warn myself that I’m in a danger zone

There’s no one to talk to that will be able to put me at ease

No one to take this disease


To Hide Behind the Light

The lights are always bright
As the dark comforts me

It doesn’t remind me to see

I can find my way around by touch

For me…this is enough

There are no reflections that keep me down

There are no shadows around

I can speak comfortable with no fears

I can be myself, as I’ve been for many years

It isn’t for people around to see

This darkness is only for me

Let me stay in the darkness where I’m not confused for another


Where my presence don’t inflict pain

To not to strike tears of a lost one

Yes, I’ll hide in the dark

This is to create a new start for all of us

I leave you with this…my pain is real. For I wake up in a room always in light. For this causes no wonderment but, a pain in my heart. It’s a reminder of the missing person who use to be here. It’s a constant reminder of fear and what will never be. Apart of me is her, as her appearance is known.

I’m just in…her already made home


Watching behind Closed Doors

I watch from behind two windows, never to touch or feel

I’m afraid I’ll never know what’s it like to be real

To listen to conversations that I’ll never be able to contribute to

To be worse than an outcast as I’ll be seen right through

I’m in this mind, I know you can hear me talk about how I feel

If only I could just be real

Please say that you need me to come out

I feel closed in, shut out

What I am is not what I want to be

I just want to be free


Can This Be

I watch you walk closer to me

Our life together flashed before my eyes

How can this be…a future with me

Your smile seemed brighter the closer you got

My lips trembled, my heart felt like it was pounding through my chest

How could I prove to you, I’m not like the rest

The damage that was once were, that knocked you off your feet

For I was the one that helped picked you up, to walk to a different beat

Yes, I enjoy laughing and smiling with you all the time

Deep down, I wish you were mine

To always be there for you as before

But this time, forever and more

You are the light that once appeared in my dark room

I really hope one day we’ll be together soon

Sincerely the light you bring into my heart

The person who has always loved you from the start


The Ones Inside We Call Us

The truth has come but, I’m not happy

I went in with confusion and doubt

I didn’t know what all this was about

The news felt unreal, as this is a big deal

The rest of my life now doesn’t feel free

I feel I’ll never know me, or truly be able to see

Who am I and how and why has this begun

Everyday feels like a curse to not remember what has been done

Did I do something to piss someone off

I now feel truly alone like being outside of the glass

This is not a symptom…this will last

What is this new lives within me and how do they feel

Probably just like me…unreal

Are we to fight for a position at any cause

Am I to sit back and see the lost

Have they been taken from a life they once knew

Are we all doomed to be what we are due

We hold separate feelings and different lives

I’m sure we all miss what we truly had inside

I know we can only communicate on paper

Will we all agree to stay together

Will we take this and live for just each of us and walk away to whats around


Or will we be together and be bound


Breaking down

Tear me down and break me

Peel off my skin and let it burn

Slap y face till I turn

Tell me I’m no good and don’t belong anywhere

Tell me I’m all used up like tissues on the floor

Tell me I deserve far more

I’m a piece of left over fabric on the floor

I’m been run over, stepped on, left to shred and become nothing more but, a waste of life

Tell me I’m never to live a single moment as a mother, a friend, or wife


I can’t give you what you need, for I’ll stand here and just bleed…your words not mine


The Face that Shows but, I am not

I’m but a face of torment for him

A life that was harsh

It was full of heartbreak, smiles, cries and hurt

Leaving nothing but dead inside

I’ve arisen and have been banished to the past hole

I’m not able to start a new…for its the face that shows threw


A Kiss Goodnight

Your words would go through me like a beating heart on drugs

You would soothe me with every touch you would give

I’ve become tied up in what you would say like us being together and no one else

I would only know happiness because, of our interaction together

This is me with my heart on my sleeve leaving no room for tears , fears or lies

You are what lay beneath my skin to hide

Am I wrong for feelings this way

Are my thoughts puffs of smoke waiting to escape with each windy day

Am I to find that you don;t feel the same and I’m the one to blame