A Daughters Pain

She hates us

We disgrace her

She wants us to disappear

She wants her mother to reappear 

She wants to yell at her for all the things she did wrong

In her eyes its been way too long  

She wants to scream at her and make her cry

She wants to make her feel like she wants to die

There’s no more hugs, no more cries 

There’s only hurt inside

The pain she goes through is so severe 

She pushes ever one away, and refuses to have us near 

The person she wants is no longer here to listen 

She’s not here to wipes her eyes and say everything is okay

She not here to keep her demons or her daughters demon at bay

We don’t want to sleep knowing she’s in such pain

We wish we could take the pain away

We want to keep her demons at bay 

If only she wanted us stay

Emilie

Reflection

I walk in the room and there she is staring back at me

She smirks and hangs her head low

She stays but, silently as if she has no where to go

I sit down to have a drink

I look up and she gets closer with a smirk on her face

She bends over to me ear to whisper how does that taste

I start to answer the question but, she interrupts

She says I know its hurts

She also says your not a dirty rag left on the floor

You are better then you know, for this is what I have in store

You an either stop drinking and stop feeling low

Or you can sit here and never let go

Either way the situation doesn’t change

But, you can look within your heart to rearrange

Yes, what you’ve been dealt is a hell of a hand

I will not bother to tell you I understand

We all have our own stories which will unfold

But, go to the one that fills your heart to hold

Look at what the see in you and see how you see yourself

You shouldn’t hold yourself alone

There’s nothing to atone

Your worries and concerns will always hold you back

This is not a promise…this is indeed a fact

Emile

(I wrote this thinking of being in a bar but, the person talking to me is a reflection in the mirror of me)

Shattered End

My mind is like shattered glass on the floor
I look down to see my reflection

I see nothing at all

It is because I can’t see myself

I feel like I’m covered with thick lining

I try and stretch my way out but, it’s binding

I start to panic, as I can barely breathe

The lining gets thicker and tight

I’ve tried to put up a good fight

I feel like it will never let me go

To take my last breathe because, it will not show ease

I’m doomed from here

No way to please

Emile

A Wish

A wish, a thought of something nice

A thought that would be maybe make us thinks twice

There are so many wants

So many needs

I doubt at the end, they’ll be nothing to please

We mix our wants at times with desire

To be looked upon, to be admired

You ask for just 1 wish

I’ll give you this

A mind that is not so troubled

When I wake up I’m forever humbled

To take the mind that once were

To have this twisted present as a blur

To be able to recognize myself

To stay in better in health

To hold a child that I no longer see as mine

To be able to give her a mothers time

This is my 1 wish you see

To go back and be a better version of me

Emilie

A Bleeding Heart

I show myself when no one is around

I show myself when you are out of town

For your actions lead me heartbroken

I feel like in your yes I’m just a token

Something to say I was just here

But as you continue to walk away, I’m in fear

I thought everything was going alright

Lately, only to me your always uptight

No matter what I do nothing feels right

I miss when things were okay

I miss when you said you would stay

Now, I see you, and all you do is walk forward and fast

I know you no longer want me around

Some how I’ve broken you and you’ve cast me to the ground

I’m sorry I can’t bring the person you want back

I know you need her in your life

A piece of her leaving strike you like a sharp knife

Please know it wasn’t her intention to go

She couldn’t hold on any longer

Her mind didn’t grow stronger

I’m afraid her mind broke in pieces

Her heart is no longer here

She will never appear

I’m sorry she’s gone and this place feels like a dome

Neither one of us feels like this is our home

I know I’m not your mom but, I can do my best to be there for you

Whatever it is I’ll help you get through

 

(for our youngest who hurt shows through, for the absence of her mom)

Emile

This Disease

I wake up with noise in my head

Voices scrambling to be picked first

I’ve felt like my head is going to burst

I can’t seem to get my thoughts threw

Everything I see feels untrue

The doubt in my head spreads to everyone

My nerves are tight

My body temperature is high

My heart feels like it’s going to let me die

These moments are hard to past

Nothing I take slows it down but, makes it last

Am I doomed to be stuck, feeling that makes me want to give up

Is there any good luck

I warn myself that I’m in a danger zone

There’s no one to talk to that will be able to put me at ease

No one to take this disease

Emilie

To Hide Behind the Light

The lights are always bright
As the dark comforts me

It doesn’t remind me to see

I can find my way around by touch

For me…this is enough

There are no reflections that keep me down

There are no shadows around

I can speak comfortable with no fears

I can be myself, as I’ve been for many years

It isn’t for people around to see

This darkness is only for me

Let me stay in the darkness where I’m not confused for another

 

Where my presence don’t inflict pain

To not to strike tears of a lost one

Yes, I’ll hide in the dark

This is to create a new start for all of us

I leave you with this…my pain is real. For I wake up in a room always in light. For this causes no wonderment but, a pain in my heart. It’s a reminder of the missing person who use to be here. It’s a constant reminder of fear and what will never be. Apart of me is her, as her appearance is known.

I’m just in…her already made home

Emile

Watching behind Closed Doors

I watch from behind two windows, never to touch or feel

I’m afraid I’ll never know what’s it like to be real

To listen to conversations that I’ll never be able to contribute to

To be worse than an outcast as I’ll be seen right through

I’m in this mind, I know you can hear me talk about how I feel

If only I could just be real

Please say that you need me to come out

I feel closed in, shut out

What I am is not what I want to be

I just want to be free

Nyki

Can This Be

I watch you walk closer to me

Our life together flashed before my eyes

How can this be…a future with me

Your smile seemed brighter the closer you got

My lips trembled, my heart felt like it was pounding through my chest

How could I prove to you, I’m not like the rest

The damage that was once were, that knocked you off your feet

For I was the one that helped picked you up, to walk to a different beat

Yes, I enjoy laughing and smiling with you all the time

Deep down, I wish you were mine

To always be there for you as before

But this time, forever and more

You are the light that once appeared in my dark room

I really hope one day we’ll be together soon

Sincerely the light you bring into my heart

The person who has always loved you from the start

Nyki

The Ones Inside We Call Us

The truth has come but, I’m not happy

I went in with confusion and doubt

I didn’t know what all this was about

The news felt unreal, as this is a big deal

The rest of my life now doesn’t feel free

I feel I’ll never know me, or truly be able to see

Who am I and how and why has this begun

Everyday feels like a curse to not remember what has been done

Did I do something to piss someone off

I now feel truly alone like being outside of the glass

This is not a symptom…this will last

What is this new lives within me and how do they feel

Probably just like me…unreal

Are we to fight for a position at any cause

Am I to sit back and see the lost

Have they been taken from a life they once knew

Are we all doomed to be what we are due

We hold separate feelings and different lives

I’m sure we all miss what we truly had inside

I know we can only communicate on paper

Will we all agree to stay together

Will we take this and live for just each of us and walk away to whats around

 

Or will we be together and be bound

Nyki