The Whole


I’ve had a rough life

I’ve been beaten, whipped, verbally attacked

My mental state before then would never come back

I’ve been left to defend myself against people who said they loved me

That was a lie as I could see

I wore my pain inside, and it build

I though it would never come out, as it was hid

I tired to move on and let it stay behind

Behind my eyes I was no longer alive

I had found someone that seemed somewhat like me

He loved me and all I could be

My health started to deteriorate and my mind started to crap

Some he would no love me, and there was no turning back

As my body was crumbling nothing was the same

The man I came to love and wed

Was secretly tucking someone else in bed

The one that lit up my life

The one who was my one and only knight

Took and burned my heart and my life

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Within Me


I feel like a monster because, I’ve swallowed all the good in me

The moments where laughs and smiles came so easily

Tears of pain would mean release at the end

Now, there’s nothing more… not even a friend

My face is always stern

There’s no more to yearn, only things I’d like burn

I’m not settled In a place I’d like to be

There’s only a shell of me

I can’t see the world from a good emotional state

There no love in me, only hate

I’m to the point of always watching out for me

This needs to be done in order for me to be free

The love, hurt and lies …this is what killed me inside

There’s no more trust, connection
Or  reflection 

Just a place to sit in an empty body where there’s no pain

This is all of me…the cruel, unusual and insane

Distant


Everything is closing around me 
I’m unable to touch or feel

Nothing seems real

I’m living someone else’s life

They only see her, not me

Where am I meant to be

I feel like an old house in this body

I creaking is the arthritis in my hands

The foundation is the heart that decided to stop in the hospital and has never been the same

The windows is the brain that makes me feel like I’m insane

What am I do to when the host is gone

Everything feels like a storm

The becoming of me

Becoming

I struggle with the fire in me
The fire in me wants to fight
I want to keep calm and make things right
Within wants to tear it all up and make it everything bleed
I want to pick up the tissue wipe away the need
Within wants to embrace the power, take what it wants
Tear away the insides of hope
I want to embrace the peace, while I search for a release
Within me it screams, there is no hope, there is no calm…the world is nothing but harm
It says you can’t make peace with yourself…you’ll never be at rest
You need to keep your guard up and hurt everything in sight
Nothing you do will make anything right
The fire builds up and begins to consume me but some of me is still in the light
I beg, I pled that this is not what I need
I don’t want this I want to stay in my own bliss
There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it calls to me
I can be good, I can do right, I can keep things right
The fire burns out my light and says it is the only thing that will be there for me because no other will
Taking over will be no big deal
Within paves the way and swallows fear, and it is real
I’ve held my head low and let it swarm around me
It’s glow slithered into my head like a breeze
It warmed me to my toes and settled in my knees
It burned out my heart and whispered, let it begin
My body went into shock, my hands began to bleed, and before I knew it my body was on fire
It said this must begin to kill any desire
My skin started to crack and peel, as new skin began to come up
It was so powerful as I thrusted my head back
When I finally came to, my eyes were black
This is the new me
I say this, watch out because I am no longer broken, there are no new scars on me
For now the darkness is me, and we are free to take, to rule and fight
I will chew up all things, just because it just feels right

Your welcome

Rest

body at rest

Sing me a sweet song
A song that talks me to into going to sleep
Let me rest and dream of all things sweet
Let me not wake because my mind will be beat
It will be beat of what once where
Where I’m unable to change anything for the good
For I would wish everything is understood
But, all I will hear are cries and goodbyes
I will not be able to make anew
These are things I can’t get threw
There is no one to hold my hand
No one to tell me there be there to understand
Let me rest my head on this cloud I call a pillow while my eyes drift
My body starts to relax as I know after this there is no turning back

Truth

One minute I feel close to you 

Then you push me away

You keep me at arms distance to keep me at bay

You refuse to get close

For you don’t want to know me

You want away out of this life

Your words cut me to pieces with a knife 

How are we to grow on each other 

When I’m afraid I remind you of another

You give me hope and then you take it away 

I don’t think you care enough for us to stay 

My words bleed on the floor 

For it’s my heart and you’ve closed the door

You get made your words are full of hate

Then you wonder why my mind is in this state 

I’m no good for you as all I do is bleed 

I bleed because I’m not what you think you need 

Nyki 

My Thoughts of You

Will you lay with me

Cover me with your arms 

Look into my eyes as if you’ve found me 

Wonder if I feel the same 

Catch my heart for my mind is already yours 

Your smile says it all

Your laugh is like nothing I’ve heard before

Will you unleash your halt on me

I’ll never stop touching you as long as I breathe 

The Feeling

My heart warms to you 

You’ve crept in my thoughts 

You’ve given me wants 

I wish not to give in the need

For it’s my life it will feed

The thought of you makes my body rise 

I feel like my heart will never die 

I’ve lingered on your words for it touches my heart

You make me feel like we’re never apart

Your hand gives me chills like no other 

You’ve left me calling you by name…my lover 

A Place to Go

The taste of life would be a sweet breeze

This would indeed bring me to my knees

The  light shining down on my face 

Feeling like I’m in a new place

There is no bad, sad or mad

It’s just light that soothes me

I’d like to know where the butterflies go to meet

To flourish over the land 

Wanting to be there to touch my hand 

To graze my face

To keep me in that peacefully place

 No Pieces 

I laid on his chest 

My mind for a moment was a rest

I could breathe

I  felt he knew my need

His embrace was strong from know harm 

It’s like, he knows me beneath this skin

I felt like I breathe…again

I don’t want to walk away from his arms,  his embrace 

He leads me to escape 

Escape the twisted take of how I came to be 

A piece of him…it’s within me

Emilie