The becoming of me

Becoming

I struggle with the fire in me
The fire in me wants to fight
I want to keep calm and make things right
Within wants to tear it all up and make it everything bleed
I want to pick up the tissue wipe away the need
Within wants to embrace the power, take what it wants
Tear away the insides of hope
I want to embrace the peace, while I search for a release
Within me it screams, there is no hope, there is no calm…the world is nothing but harm
It says you can’t make peace with yourself…you’ll never be at rest
You need to keep your guard up and hurt everything in sight
Nothing you do will make anything right
The fire builds up and begins to consume me but some of me is still in the light
I beg, I pled that this is not what I need
I don’t want this I want to stay in my own bliss
There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it calls to me
I can be good, I can do right, I can keep things right
The fire burns out my light and says it is the only thing that will be there for me because no other will
Taking over will be no big deal
Within paves the way and swallows fear, and it is real
I’ve held my head low and let it swarm around me
It’s glow slithered into my head like a breeze
It warmed me to my toes and settled in my knees
It burned out my heart and whispered, let it begin
My body went into shock, my hands began to bleed, and before I knew it my body was on fire
It said this must begin to kill any desire
My skin started to crack and peel, as new skin began to come up
It was so powerful as I thrusted my head back
When I finally came to, my eyes were black
This is the new me
I say this, watch out because I am no longer broken, there are no new scars on me
For now the darkness is me, and we are free to take, to rule and fight
I will chew up all things, just because it just feels right

Your welcome

Rest

body at rest

Sing me a sweet song
A song that talks me to into going to sleep
Let me rest and dream of all things sweet
Let me not wake because my mind will be beat
It will be beat of what once where
Where I’m unable to change anything for the good
For I would wish everything is understood
But, all I will hear are cries and goodbyes
I will not be able to make anew
These are things I can’t get threw
There is no one to hold my hand
No one to tell me there be there to understand
Let me rest my head on this cloud I call a pillow while my eyes drift
My body starts to relax as I know after this there is no turning back

Truth

One minute I feel close to you 

Then you push me away

You keep me at arms distance to keep me at bay

You refuse to get close

For you don’t want to know me

You want away out of this life

Your words cut me to pieces with a knife 

How are we to grow on each other 

When I’m afraid I remind you of another

You give me hope and then you take it away 

I don’t think you care enough for us to stay 

My words bleed on the floor 

For it’s my heart and you’ve closed the door

You get made your words are full of hate

Then you wonder why my mind is in this state 

I’m no good for you as all I do is bleed 

I bleed because I’m not what you think you need 

Nyki 

My Thoughts of You

Will you lay with me

Cover me with your arms 

Look into my eyes as if you’ve found me 

Wonder if I feel the same 

Catch my heart for my mind is already yours 

Your smile says it all

Your laugh is like nothing I’ve heard before

Will you unleash your halt on me

I’ll never stop touching you as long as I breathe 

The Feeling

My heart warms to you 

You’ve crept in my thoughts 

You’ve given me wants 

I wish not to give in the need

For it’s my life it will feed

The thought of you makes my body rise 

I feel like my heart will never die 

I’ve lingered on your words for it touches my heart

You make me feel like we’re never apart

Your hand gives me chills like no other 

You’ve left me calling you by name…my lover 

A Place to Go

The taste of life would be a sweet breeze

This would indeed bring me to my knees

The  light shining down on my face 

Feeling like I’m in a new place

There is no bad, sad or mad

It’s just light that soothes me

I’d like to know where the butterflies go to meet

To flourish over the land 

Wanting to be there to touch my hand 

To graze my face

To keep me in that peacefully place

 No Pieces 

I laid on his chest 

My mind for a moment was a rest

I could breathe

I  felt he knew my need

His embrace was strong from know harm 

It’s like, he knows me beneath this skin

I felt like I breathe…again

I don’t want to walk away from his arms,  his embrace 

He leads me to escape 

Escape the twisted take of how I came to be 

A piece of him…it’s within me

Emilie 

A Daughters Pain

She hates us

We disgrace her

She wants us to disappear

She wants her mother to reappear 

She wants to yell at her for all the things she did wrong

In her eyes its been way too long  

She wants to scream at her and make her cry

She wants to make her feel like she wants to die

There’s no more hugs, no more cries 

There’s only hurt inside

The pain she goes through is so severe 

She pushes ever one away, and refuses to have us near 

The person she wants is no longer here to listen 

She’s not here to wipes her eyes and say everything is okay

She not here to keep her demons or her daughters demon at bay

We don’t want to sleep knowing she’s in such pain

We wish we could take the pain away

We want to keep her demons at bay 

If only she wanted us stay

Emilie

Reflection

I walk in the room and there she is staring back at me

She smirks and hangs her head low

She stays but, silently as if she has no where to go

I sit down to have a drink

I look up and she gets closer with a smirk on her face

She bends over to me ear to whisper how does that taste

I start to answer the question but, she interrupts

She says I know its hurts

She also says your not a dirty rag left on the floor

You are better then you know, for this is what I have in store

You an either stop drinking and stop feeling low

Or you can sit here and never let go

Either way the situation doesn’t change

But, you can look within your heart to rearrange

Yes, what you’ve been dealt is a hell of a hand

I will not bother to tell you I understand

We all have our own stories which will unfold

But, go to the one that fills your heart to hold

Look at what the see in you and see how you see yourself

You shouldn’t hold yourself alone

There’s nothing to atone

Your worries and concerns will always hold you back

This is not a promise…this is indeed a fact

Emile

(I wrote this thinking of being in a bar but, the person talking to me is a reflection in the mirror of me)

Shattered End

My mind is like shattered glass on the floor
I look down to see my reflection

I see nothing at all

It is because I can’t see myself

I feel like I’m covered with thick lining

I try and stretch my way out but, it’s binding

I start to panic, as I can barely breathe

The lining gets thicker and tight

I’ve tried to put up a good fight

I feel like it will never let me go

To take my last breathe because, it will not show ease

I’m doomed from here

No way to please

Emile